We have a beautiful opportunity in this lifetime to consciously create relationships that support, uplift, inspire and nourish us. Although it certainly doesn’t always feel like it’s that easy of a choice. One of those easier said than done things. Let’s talk about what it takes to truly transform your relationships.
Your Primary Relationship
When we are learning to leverage the Law of Attraction to transform our relationships, we must accept that our primary relationship is with ourselves. The way I like to describe it is, the relationship between your human self and your non-physical self or soul or Inner Being (however you choose to name it). When you make the relationship between you and you the primary relationship, you will be amazed at how easily your relationships with others shift into greater harmony.
The Law of Attraction in Relationships
There is a perfect vibrational explanation for why caring for your own vibe, in turn improves your relationships. Like attracts like. Your relationships with others are simply a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. Imagine that person in front of you all of a sudden turns into a mirror. They are always reflecting back, an active vibration you have going on within you.
If there is any disharmony we feel about ourselves, it will always show up in the disharmony we have in relationship to other people. If there is acceptance, love and joy within you, you will observe this reflected back to you in your relationships. Most of us are a mixed bag, there are things we love and accept about ourselves and there are things we dislike and resist about ourselves, and so we get a bit of everything in our relationships with others.
The more you nurture and nourish your relationship with yourself and prioritize your own well-being as equally or often time in front of others, the more harmony, joy and fun you will experience in all of your relationships. With co-workers, friends, family, lovers and strangers!
Do You Really Want It?
This is often one of the first questions I will ask my clients when the subject of a challenging relationship arises, “well do you really want it to be different?” Because we can create anything we desire, but acknowledging that we want something is often the first opening.
Asking yourself this question will immediately begin to shift you into a place of empowerment. Transforming relationships, especially ones that feel challenging will require your energy. Giving yourself the choice to put in the energy is essential to creating from a place of your own strength and truth.
If your answer is yes to that question, take it another step further and ask yourself, “well how do I want the relationship to feel?”
Self-Awareness Leads to Change
Katie and I talk a lot about self-awareness in our podcast Awaken Your Truth. Self-awareness is the capacity to observe your inner thoughts and emotions. It is the foundation and key to all transformation in relationships.
Until we have a clear picture of how we are vibrationally creating our experience in relationships, it doesn’t feel like we have any choice or power in creating something new. This is what often leads in relationships to blaming the other person or becoming defensive and feeling attacked. These are easy reactions to understand when we have the level of self-awareness.
As your self-awareness expands, you begin to realize how you are creating different dynamics in relationships. It is from this place of empowerment that you can begin to make new choices–if you want to 😉 There are no shoulds in conscious creation, it is all always your choosing.
Leaving the Past Behind
One of the biggest (and most sticky) thought habits that gets in our way of transforming our relationships is the mental stories from the past that we are holding about someone in our life. Something happened five or ten years ago, you observed it, felt something about it, and it became a fact about who they are.
This often happens in long term relationships where you are consistently observing something about someone and therefore unconsciously decide that is “who they are.” Personalities are temporary in the sense that, they only exist with our human perspective. So defining someone by their personality can be great if it feels good to you, but extremely limiting if it doesn’t.
For example, someone who on multiple occasions has made sarcastic comments about your woo-woo activities, and you maybe thought to yourself “they aren’t open” or “they aren’t supportive” or “you can’t be yourself around them.” And you’ve held this story about them for years. Even though it may have been true in that moment, you continue to create that experience with and of them because you hold onto that story.
This is why we re-create so many of the same experiences in relationships over and over, because we experienced something at one time and unconsciously decided it was a fact. Your relationships don’t change until you do. All it requires to leave the past behind and transform your relationships in the now… is your willingness.
Willingness To Be New
Are you willing to see this person a in a new light? Are you willing to see yourself in a new light? Are you willing to not justify your unworthiness with past mistakes? Are you willing to believe new ideas about yourself? Are you willing to tell a new story about a long time relationship?
The creation of new dynamics in a relationship requires you to be new. You can’t be the old unlovable version of yourself AND create the joy and harmony you desire in relationships. It seems like a simply question, are you willing to be new? The truth is, it takes practice. The old is comfortable, familiar, easy. The new is…well new!
Our Action Oriented Relationship Patterns
It’s likely that the discussion has come up in your circles about “trying to fix.” Am I right? Either you trying to fix others struggle or pain, or someone else trying to fix yours. Most humans in this time are trained to fix or improve relationships with action first. The doing of things or saying of things to other people in order to change a dynamic.
I mean it worked…until it didn’t.
Action first is the old way of transforming relationships. Of course there are actions you will take in relationship with other people, but I would like to present a new way to BE in relationship with others – Alignment First.
Vibrational Alignment before action.
Your energy is yours to take care of. The truest freedom of all comes when you accept this truth. When you decide (and it might take a few powerful times) that you have got you…
This isn’t about hyper-independence, which it can easily be mis-interpreted as. This is about the gift of being and living and choosing on purpose. This is about getting to know who you really are, what is important to you, and learning how to honor who you really are. To be fully you in this world. So I guess we really circled right around here because transforming your relationship really is the transformation of you.
