Setting the Goal
This question popped into my mind a few months back as I had missed yet another training session on my plan. At the beginning of the year it felt inspired to set a goal of cycling 100 miles and I found an event taking place the day after my birthday in August #alignment, in a location I love the feeling of, Red River New Mexico #alignment!
Of course, once I had a goal in my sights, my mind wanted a plan of action to get there. I am very aware of the trap of a “plan” how it can be both motivating and limiting, and so I honored my in the moment desire for a training plan knowing it may change.
I sought out one of the best cycling coaches I know, and together we put together a training schedule to get me most prepared. I was very intentional in setting this 100 mile goal, and the primary experience I am desiring is to enjoy the journey of getting ready AND the experience of the event.
There were many workouts of hard effort and satisfaction, BUT there were also times when I lost that sense of fun, replaced by a feeling of obligation. I’d force myself to ride even when it felt like a chore and it felt like defeat. It was those challenging moments that brought me back to my intention.
I am taking this journey to learn what devotion without sacrifice is. What devotion with alignment means for me.
When Resistance Shows Up
And so there I was on a Sunday evening looking back at my week of cycling and seeing that I had only completed 1 of the 4 rides planned. My critical mind chirped in with thoughts like “you’re failing, you’re not following through with your commitment, you’ll never be ready.” I had known this was the trap of having a plan…if I didn’t follow it to the T, there is that part of me that now has real life evidence to support I’m not doing good.
This is not my first rodeo though and I knew that it was my responsibility to choose my response to the external conditions. I knew this was a time to release resistance and be easy on myself instead of hard. Be loving and not critical.
And this is the moment when that thought popped in…”but wait, can I really be easy on myself here, can I choose love for myself now AND still get what I want?”
I had to take a pause because there was an unconscious belief surfacing in a new way. Somewhere along the way I had accepted the idea that I have to be hard on myself in order to be successful. But that didn’t make any sense – not logically, and certainly not vibrationally.
The vibration of being hard on myself and the vibration of success are clearly NOT in the same vibrational zone. It’s impossible to create success by punishing myself throughout the journey. It is simply not a match.
The Shift
So I tried it. Like trying on a new costume, I chose thoughts of ease instead of judgment. It didn’t come easy at first, I could think “it’s okay you didn’t get all the workouts in,” and feel no different. I still felt tension in my body, I still felt bad about myself when I thought about missing a workout. Yes I had this fabulous new awareness but it didn’t change anything.
But here’s another thing that was new, I let myself be imperfect, even along my self-growth journey! I reminded myself to let the awareness be enough to just keep practicing the thoughts of ease and kindness towards myself. And that is when I started to feel different.
It started to actually feel okay that I didn’t hit every workout perfectly, and of course I started to enjoy more of the rides more often, which ultimately led to greater consistency and more strength.
And THIS felt like success to me.
I am learning what it means to live both with devotion to something that is important to me while honoring my current mental limitations.
I am learning to allow the resistance instead of react to it.
I am learning what the journey of alignment is. It’s not something to be forced.
So yes I can love myself into alignment and get what I want! I might even argue, it’s the only path to true alignment.
Almost a year ago now I set the intention to truly know what love is, which as I have been experiencing means facing all the ways I had been denying acceptance and love for myself.
It doesn’t always feel like it, but every time you are being hard on yourself is an opportunity, every challenge, a gift. There’s nothing you need force, but there is a willingness to be easy on you. To entertain a different response to what you are observing. You can start simply by acknowledging that “Oh…I am being hard on myself here.” That is enough to get the energy shifting.
The ride I have been training for is next week and I am so happy to be where I am, very excited for the ride, and no matter the outcome, the desire has already offered me so much fun and growth. It seems as though what I want is already here 😉 I’ll be sure to update you on the outcome of ride day!